1. In September, the U.S. Congress
allowed a ban on what controversial product to expire?
a. Assault weapons
b. Lawn darts
c. “Lil’ Miss Choking-Hazard” doll
d. Lead-flavored gum
2. Federal authorities diverted an airliner and
forcibly removed which former ‘70s singer songwriter
and alleged Muslim extremist?
a. Cat Stevens
b. Harry Chapin
c. Jim Croce
d. Johnny Bravo
3. Republicans wrapped-up their national convention
in early September. Democrats had their feathers
ruffled by whose appearance?
a. Democratic Senator Zell Miller
b. Big Dick and the “Go Fuck Yourself” Dancer
c. Swift Boat Veterans for Yo-Yo tricks
d. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entourage
of grope-friendly female assistants
4. The scheduling of the Republican National Convention
so close to the commemoration of what national tragedy
a. The terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
b. The CIA-backed military overthrow of Chile’s
legitimately elected government on Sept. 11, 1973.
c. George Washington’s heroin overdose
d. The premiere episode of NBC’s “Friends” spin-off, “Joey.”
5. Which word did President George W. Bush invent?
7. Secretary of DefenseDonald Rumsfeld was quoted
a. “…at some point the Iraqis
will get tired of getting killed.”
b. “I regret that you have but a thousand
or so lives to lose for my country.”
c. “The press ignores the fact that
US troops are introducing the Iraqi people to a vital
d. “I love ketchup, sometimes I want
to put ketchup on top of my ketchup. That’s
how much I love ketchup.”
7. The press took advantage of a photo opportunity
to take pictures of presidential candidate John Kerry
engaged in what activity?
c. Blaming it on the Bossa Nova
d. Sexing a purdy lady.
8. Dan Rather and the CBS news division caught flak
for releasing what questionable material?
a. A fake letter from Bush’s former
commanding officer criticizing the President’s
lackluster military service.
b. A McDonaldland placemat bearing President
signature on which Grimace was errantly colored orange
and answer number two on the Funtime McQuiz was incorrectly
answered. (The correct answer was McNuggets.)
c. A doctored photo of John Kerry wearing a
T-shirt bearing the phrase, “I hate freedom.”
d. One of Dick Cheney's notebooks in which
he jotted down handy shortcuts to summoning the ancient
Sumerian god Marduk— the lord of lords, the
master of magicians, the one whose name must go unspoken.
9. Pop star Britney Spears grabbed headlines after
a. Marrying one of her backup dancers.
b. Wearing a swastika armband on stage.
c. Curing Cancer.
d. Giving birth to a lizard? Changing her name
to Harlot B. Sluttypants? Beats me, I never pay attention
to that crap.
10. Which show took
home the most Emmys at September’s
a. HBO’s “Angels in America”
b. Cinemax’s “Angels in My Pants
c. Bravo’s “Evil Eye for the Straight
d. HBO’s “Sopranos”—the “Wearing
Out Its Welcome” episode